I knew a lady who needed to sell her house after a break up. She had been romanced by her divorce lawyer, someone she had come to see as her “knight in shining armour”.
He talked her into using the equity in an existing house to purchase a dream home that would be “theirs”. It was really handy that his personal debts of $40 odd thousand dollars could be scooped up into the loan as well.
Well, six months after they moved into their new “Dream Home,” he started acting like a single man again, spending money on himself and living a life without including her. They broke up. The house had to be sold at the best possible price or if not, her first home would have been sold as well. In the split of what was left, he was entitled to half of everything.
Ok, let’s back up a bit.
1st Warning signal: A man in his 40s with no assets of his own. This in itself is not unusual as people sometimes have adversities that mean they have to start over. However, it is more likely to indicate an inability to live responsibly. It is not unreasonable to expect a professional to have built some kind of net worth beside a “motorbike”. Has he not finished growing up?
2nd Warning signal: $40k in debts – not asset debt and not business debt, plain old “stuff” debt. What does that say about his money management and ability to provide?
3rd Warning signal: Suggesting “they” use “her” equity for “their” house. This “fresh start” line might sound romantic but she is taking all the risk and actually putting her first house at mortgage risk. He likes new stuff, which is why his credit card is maxed out.
4th Warning Signal: He’s a lawyer…( does that really require an explanation?) I told each of my daughters they can become a lawyer… but for goodness’ sake, don’t marry one! I’m kidding of course…theirs will be the age of pre-nups…
If you are looking for a mate, create a list of what you would like. Then decide on what you might be prepared to compromise on. If their ability to provide is important to you, you will see someone’s inability to save as a warning.
After that, work on your own personal development so you will have the confidence to stand your ground where it matters and give generously when you have found someone worth it.